Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Well, that was interesting

For this post to make sense I need to give you a little back story. Point 1: Gus is now 9 years old and Llelo is 5. During walks Gus tends to dawdle, follow along, and be the pokey little puppy. Llelo is much more energetic, always at the extreme front of the leash, trying to drag us along faster. Point 2: As a New Christmakahstice gift Rachel gave me a fitbit. It's a nifty little thing, kind of like a pedometer on steroids. It's got an altimeter so it can measure the number of flights of stairs you have climbed in addition to steps. It also estimates number of calories burned and you can measure your sleep efficiency, too! And for those not in the know New Christmakahstice is a mash up of New Years, Christmas, Chanukah, and Solstice. ;) Point 3: It's a dark, rainy, winter evening in the Pacific Northwets (started as a typo, but somehow seems appropriate!).

I've been wearing my fitbit daily since I got it. It's really cool. And today after I got off the bus this morning I took the stairs up to the office, fitbit read 11 flights for the day so far and I hadn't even gotten to my desk yet! I've been wanting to get Llelo on a proper walk for a while now. After our potty walk I decided to drop Gus back in the house while Llelo and I went walking. I managed to grab my reflective vest as we scooted out the door. Llelo was stoked, fast walkies, awesome!!!

We got down to the main street and headed north up to the stop sign and then another right up the hill. I hate hills, they piss off my knees and I huff and puff my way up. Turns out this hill was a little steeper than I'd realized but we kept on going. At one point, maybe a third of the way up the hill, I pulled out my phone to look at a map. It occurred to me I wasn't very familiar with the neighborhoods behind the new condo so I wanted to look at the map and get my bearings. My goal was to do a big loop around, I'd work towards my 10k steps per day and Llelo would get some exercise.

We finally make it to the top of the hill, the very, very steep hill. Still need to pass a few streets before we can take our right turn. Well, there are no sidewalks at the top of the hill. And there really aren't any streetlights, either. We cross the street to be able to walk towards on coming traffic. I am so glad I am wearing my reflector vest, but I'm still nervous given the speeds the cars are going. We plod along and come to the sharp right turn. I'm a bit spooked, there is no shoulder, no sidewalk, no lights, and plenty of fast moving traffic. We make the turn and continue southbound until we make it to the stop sign, then turn left. Once I realize we are about to head down another sizable hill I decide to scrap the mission and head us home the way we came. Of course, by then it's started to rain, not really hard, but definitely steady. Back through the hellish corner only this time there were dogs barking at us, yay! Then back down the hill. Finally, back into the world of sidewalks and streetlights! My knees are screeming 'WTF are you thinking, first you make me go up the hill, now down?!? Surely you are joking!' Finally we reach the bottom of the hill and then it's only a few blocks back to the condo.

After drying a very damp Llelo off I take stock of my own situation. Jeans soaked through, sopping hair, sweated through my t-shirt. Jacket under rain shell very wet, too, I think not having the hood up added to that one. Sneaks soaked because I took a short cut across some grass at the very start. Then I pulled up gmaps to see how many miles we'd traveled, must have been at least 4 or 5, at least. Well, gmaps said it was about 2.5 miles round trip! Really?!? That's it??? The fitbit confirmed it, though. Sigh. The part that blew my mind was number of flights of stairs: 58!!! Tells you how steep that frickin' hill was! Holy cow!

I've now had a shower and got warm dry clothes on. Llelo is sacked out on the couch. And Gus is laying next to my chair, still a bit miffed that he was left behind. I think it's been a good exercise day and it's now time for supper!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I MUA 2012 Pt 2

That last one was feeling very long so I decided to stop there and finish up with a Pt 2.

I headed back to Seattle completely drained, exhausted, and emotionally raw. And it seems to return to not one, but two dogs sick with colitis! I was a bit of a basket case when I left for Boulder. Thanks so much to Marcus for taking care of the dogs while I was gone. They were so happy to see me when I got home again, but also really, really stressed. It didn't take long for them both to start in with the dire rear and womiting, both bloody of course. Thankfully, some bland diet and flagyl brought them back to rights within a day or so.

I think the most disturbing feeling regarding the loss of my big brother is that I am now completely alone. I don't like it. The mother passed in 2007, far too young. But I still have my brother, I'm not alone in the world, it's ok, I can handle this. But now he's gone, too, and I cannot wrap my head around just how alone I feel. There is no one else who experienced what I did growing up. The weird little quirky things we did as a family, nobody else gets them. When I meow at someone they just look at me oddly. When we felt like something should be said, but didn't really have anything to say we'd meow and then the other person would meow back. I don't have anyone to meow to anymore and that makes me very sad.

I know I have many wonderful friends and the SIL and her parents. But it's just not the same. I really, really appreciate all my family by choice, Mark & Nancy, Maria & her family, Marcus. I don't know what I would do without them. I also have all my outrigger ohana, they are da best! But there is something different about the people who knew you when, when you were a crying infant, when you lost your first tooth, when they teased you and pulled your pig tails, when they didn't come out and say they needed to approve of your dates but you knew that's what they needed to do. Someone else who remembered that Nemo liked to bat around twist ties and would leave them in the cat food dish when he was done with them and the one christmas morning when he'd left a red one and a green one in the dish. Or the night Rose got onto the kitchen counter and into the bag of catnip, had herself a little party or rather a big party, and emptied her bladder on the stove! Or that Dante liked to curl up in the downstairs bathroom sink and nap and get a drink from the slowly leaking tap. Or that I learned to walk pulling myself up on Helga, the german shepard.

I miss my mom. I miss my brother. And although I feel alone right now, I know I am not really alone. I have my dogs, I have my friends and their families. And they won't let me feel alone, not for too long anyway.

So, now it's time to i mua, to progress, go forward. I need to take that first step forward and continue with my life. I have so very much living to do! I have so many plans for 2012. It's going to be a good year.

I MUA 2012 Pt 1

It's the first day of 2012. Here's to hoping it's a vastly different year than 2011. Talk about a bipolar year, wow. I bought my first home, a condo in Bothell. Yup, I live in the suburbs now. But it's pretty cool to own my own place. And it's huge, relatively, it's 2 bed, 2 bath, full sized washer/dryer. I have a garage, a carport, and what I'm calling a lanai (the grill & chill zone). A big improvement over the 550 sq ft of my last apartment. The neighborhood is much nicer than the hood-adjacent apartment on Lake City Way. I do miss some of my former neighbors, but I'm meeting folks in the new community. I also have the added bonus of living only 15 minutes away from Mark & Nancy, it means I get to see their little girls way more often.

Prior to move in I had a painter come in an do the living room, hallway and both bedrooms. Yesterday I started to paint the front bathroom. It's looking pretty awesome so far, still have to do the contrast wall but that should go quickly. Then next to the kitchen and master bathroom. I shall set a goal of having all the painting completed by end of January. Fingers crossed.

At our annual Seattle Outrigger Canoe Club meeting I was voted in a club president. I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed about that. I know I'll do fine, but filling Sabine's shoes will be no easy feat. I'm more than a little sad to see her step down and ultimately move to another club. I know it will be a wonderful move for her, being with her honey, racing together, and they are a wonderful group of people, but I'll still miss her here in Seattle.

Towards the end of October I had the biggest shock of the year. My brother passed away unexpectedly. He'd gotten the flu and as will most illnesses it traveled to his lungs. He'd had a history of asthma from the time he was a toddler. I'd spoken to him on Saturday night after the completion of Sukkot, I could hear he had the chills so I cut the conversation a bit short. The shock of the phone call from my sister in law (SIL) Wednesday morning telling me he was gone was almost more than I could handle. It can't be real, it just can't. I rushed out to Colorado and help SIL with the funeral preparations. I can honestly say I now have way too much experience in coordinating orthodox Jewish funerals, sigh.

The morning of the funeral, that Friday, dawned bright and clear and cold. It was a really beautiful morning, too beautiful for the task at hand. At 28 degrees, the temperature helped temper the beauty of the day. At the cemetery I was surprised by how many lives my brother touched. There were at least a dozen rabbis in attendance from all flavors of congregations and many of his masonic brethren and co-workers were there as well. Rabbi Yossi, his friend from rabbi school back in New Jersey, both helped to prepare him for burial and guided the service. He is a very good friend and I thank him for all he did for us.

Back at the house I decided to attack the sun room. It was still filled with boxes and boxes of things from The Mother's house. My poor brother was such a gentle, sensitive soul he couldn't bear to go through all those memories without being overcome with grief. How different from my own perception of going through the boxes, I would see it as a kind of treasure hunt, "ooh I remember when she got this, she enjoyed it so." I wish he could have seen it that way. Anyway, I couldn't ask SIL to go through my memories, my memories of my mother, so I tasked myself with going through all of it before I headed back to Seattle. What a job it was! Thank goodness her mother was able to help me with it, I couldn't have done it without her. Working like there was no tomorrow we managed to get through better than half of the sunroom creating three piles: 1) trash, 2) donate, 3) keep (by far the smallest pile). We were expecting folks to arrive on Sunday to help move stuff to donation, take down the sukkah, and move the wood pile so I was particularly driven to have everything gone through before they arrived. I ended up calling my buddy Fisch to help with the final push on Sat. We got through everything in an hour with him, he is so great, I really value his friendship.

On Sunday many of the Masonic brothers and Chabad folks arrived and set to the tasks at hand! The sukkah came down and was put away. With the storm the day before my brother passed a couple of the guys had chain saws and were able to cut wood to fit into the wood stove before re-piling it nearer the back door. We set up a bucket brigade to transfer donation stuff out to the waiting pick up truck. Four full loads to donation and five to trash! Then we moved boxes from the garage into the now empty sunroom so SIL could go through them at her leisure. Wow! It was all completed within 2.5 hours! Amazing!