What part of "I don't date married men" are you having trouble with?

The last batch of dating prospects seems to have fizzled out. I'd met a couple of guys and I think the feeling was a mutual 'eh'. No problems, just have to keep fishing.

I re-posted this past weekend. Had a guy answer who seems to be convinced that he is all that. He'd answered a previous posting and this time I said he's have to be more interesting or I wouldn't reply. He couldn't remember answering my post before but this time he was convinced that we were making a real connection and I should send him my phone number and isn't it great that I don't mind that's he's married! Uh, excuse me? married? Ya, sorry, I don't roll that way. My rational is this: If you'd leave someone for me what's to keep you from leaving me for someone else. He was adamant that his marriage is over. I asked him to send me a pdf of his divorce documents and then we could talk. It was more than a little odd that he kept emailing me for over an hour about what a great catch he is and how we'd be perfect together and he's being so honest with me ...

I guess I need to spell it out, don't I? And I realize that I may be preaching to the choir here, at least I hope I am, so here it goes. I have three minimum requirements, mind these are only minimum requirements there are many add on options. 1) Male (I know with the very short hair and the less than girly-girly actions may give other impressions but it's true, romantically I prefer the company of men). 2) Single (that means not married, not in a committed relationship, not but it's been over for a long time, not it's all over but the paperwork. Call me after you've signed on the bottom line). 3) Straight (ya, ok, this one is mostly just to make it more funny, but it is true, I'm looking for a guy that's looking for a girl).

So, these are the bare minimum requirements which need to be met for me to consider a guy as potentially datable. Extra marks are given for wit, intelligence, ability to make me laugh, like or have cats/dogs/or other pets, fondness for the outdoors and water. The list goes on and on. I guess the trick is finding the guy who meets my criteria while at the same time I meet his. Hmm, any suggestions?

Here are some photos of the guys I've e-conversed with and possibly gone out with once, just wanted to give you a cross section of that gets sent to me. I decided not to post any of the penis pics. One of these men is 26 years old. One of these men called me hot and wanted to have all kinds of sex with me. One of these men has herpes. One of these men is currently married. One of these men lives too far away. One of these men discussed his colonoscopy as dinner was being served. One of these men called me adorable (that still makes me smile). One of these men was nice enough but we both felt 'eh' about one another. I've met three of these men.

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

Ok, it's not really a broken heart but that sounds much better than 'how do you mend a slightly kicked around and mistreated heart', now doesn't it? One of my many CL adventures was actually giving me the illusion of potentially working. Granted things were moving at glacial speeds, but still. He had all the trimmings of an acceptable partner: a wickedly irreverent sense of humor, fun, kind, easy on the eyes, taller than me, and seemingly interested in me. Ya, well, that's kinda where it all falls apart now isn't it? I got an email from him Saturday (email and IM were our primary modes of communication) stating that he's started seeing a new someone and the relationship is taking a new development and he wants to see where it goes without having to explain hanging out with me, hope you understand. OUCH!

So, what do you do when that happens? First I was very sad (approx 2 hrs), then I was rather pissed off (approx 30 min), then I reposted my ad on CL and went out for game night (approx 4.5 hrs) with Diane, Dave, Kristi, and Dave's older daughter, Nikita! By the time I got home there were four responses to my ad in my inbox. One was obviously a scammer. One was 'I'd love to meet you'. Yup, I'm sure you would! I wrote back asking his name, age, and some interests. Thought I'd give him a fighting chance before I kicked him to the curb. He answered "Name is Moe, age 53, interests and desires are fun and travel and passionate love." Ya, ok, next please!

The last two were definitely interesting, articulate, and funny. John and Paul (I'm hoping George and Ringo will write soon, too!) seem quite nice. One lives in Olympia which would be very hard. To one of them I wrote "My glass half full attitude compels me to toss my hat out again and keep trying (re e-dating). At worst it's worth a laugh with my friends and a post on my blog!" He seemed to think that was an acceptable penalty. I spoke with one on the phone this evening ... for an hour and a half! There was laughter from both of us, sharing from both of us, and the conversation never felt stiff or awkward. I'm looking forward to meeting him sometime soon.

While I'm still a bit disappointed about the other guy I seem to have plenty to occupy my thoughts these days. Besides, we have our first OC6 race of the season this Saturday down in Portland.

A Semi-Public Flaming

Only semi-public because I won't post the name or photos of the person I'm about tell you about. You may recall that I posted a personal ad on Craigslist the end of January. I've gotten a number of nice responses and entirely too many offers to 'frost my cake' (my posting title was cake seeks icing), if you know what I mean. Really now, if I'd been looking for a casual encounter don't you think I'd have posted it there?!? Anyway, there was a fireman, we'll call him 'J', who answered my ad, seemed a little intense, but I was curious. Along with photos in 'normal' situations he included a photo from the neck down completely nekkid and completely, um, at attention! I should have listened to my spidey senses which were tingling in a big way. I replied to his response and he telephoned me, I was caught completely off guard because it was during work hours and days after I'd sent my reply; I figured he'd moved on. I was very busy and asked if we could talk after I got off work, then I never heard from him again. Ok, fine, no problem, moving on with my life, there were other guys who had responded to talk to and have bad first dates with.

Fast forward to last Monday, St Patrick's Day, after work I went to Westlake Center to See's Candies to get myself a Rocky Road Easter Egg, my only homage to Easter. Then I was meeting a friend, Kyle, in the bus tunnel to head home. Down in the tunnel we were chatting about the butter cream eggs I was given every year and the fact that I have NEVER liked butter cream eggs when a guy walks up and asks if my name is Melissa. Yes, I say hesitantly, wondering who the heck this guy is. He says his name is 'J' and hands me a card with his number and email, it was the guy who'd answered my ad. It finally clicked just before he walked away. Kyle was wondering what the heck is going on so, during the bus ride home I filled her in on the details.

That night I sat down and composed an email to 'J' asking how the heck he'd picked me out of a crowd like that, never having met me and only having seen a couple of photos. We exchanged a couple of emails, including another photo of his 'unit', and made plans to meet for lunch on Wednesday. Now along with the regular conversation in the emails he would often proclaim that I was hot. Ok, once is flattering, twice is a little cute, more than that makes me wonder what's your angle, what's going on here. I mean, come on, Heidi Klum is hot, Naomi Campbell is hot, Nicole Kidman is hot; me, not so hot. I'll accept cute, attractive, athletic, there was a guy who wrote that I was adorable, I really liked that one! Not so much hot, though, the wobbly bits rather cancel out any potential hotness, know what I mean? And there were also a fair number of comments made regarding what he'd like to do to/with me in the bedroom. While I'm not necessarily against this type of conversation it seemed a bit premature and again, the spidey senses were tingling.

Wednesday rolls around and we meet for lunch. It was a good lunch, we went to Jimmy's On First, there was conversation and laughter, it was generally a good time. When it was time I got back to the office he drove me back and as he was dropping me off he leaned in for a kiss. That was fine, but the next thing I knew there was a tongue trying to tickle my tonsils and I felt as though my lips had gotten caught in a vacuum cleaner hose! Oh, and two words for you 'J': chap stick! Once I was able to extricate myself from the vacuum I made my way back into the office my mind a whir, what the heck had just happened and did I like it?

A few hours later I left for the day to meet Fran, Lillian, and Robin at Collin's Pub for belated birthday dessert and they wanted the lowdown on my date. On my way to meet them 'J' called and left me a voice mail thanking me for a lovely lunch and I'm such a great kisser and XXX things he wanted to do with/to me and again how hot I am. Fran and Lillian are so in love, it's a delight to see them together. I was able to be there for their wedding last summer, such a wonderful celebration of love and happiness. I aspire to find something like that. Lillian commented that if you have to ask if this is love, it probably isn't. I had lots of fun with the ladies, laughter is cathartic.

When I got home I tapped out a well thought out email to 'J' saying I enjoyed lunch and meeting him, but that I was rather taken aback my his sexual intensity, that I'm looking to get to know someone, develop a solid friendship with them and when sex is the next logical progression in our relationship, then go there. That I understood his need to present the entire 'package', so to speak, for matters of full disclosure, but I felt it's really about more than the size of his penis.

I didn't hear anything from him on Thursday, no emails, no phone calls. Hmm, perhaps he didn't like my email. Oh well, decision made. Then as I'm loading the car from a Costco trip he calls; I let it go to voice mail, it was cold and I wanted to get into the car. Once in the car I listen to the message he left. Holy crap, what a pretentious, entirely too full of himself ass! He told me that I needed to get off my high horse and ride the wave, the tsunami, and if I am cap-a-ble of enjoying myself we should get together. Ya right! Insulting me is really the way to bring me around! Well, decision made, not that I wasn't already leaning towards giving him the boot anyway. For some misguided reason I was thinking about sending him a final email telling him off, but Kyle, after listening to the message, pointed out he didn't even deserve that much.

Sigh. Dating is hard, not that I ever expected it to be easy, but dang! What ever happened to decency and civility? Am I that old fashioned? Thankfully I've had some nice dates and met a few pleasant guys so I'm not ready to give up entirely. But 'J' makes me really glad that I have my dog boys. Everyone should have *some* unconditional love in their lives.

Oh, the things I've learned

This whole online dating thing has been very interesting. I think I've had far greater success with the ad I posted on Craigslist (CL) than being a member of eHarmony or Match.com or PlentyOfFish.com. I've found guys still like to be making the first move. If I initiated communication via those other online sites chances were very good that I'd never hear back. In my CL ad I posted a simple message of who I am, no laundry list of what I'm looking for, and the implied 'bring it on, show me what you have', but not so much in the literal sense, if you know what I mean. And I've gotten quite a number of responses (both of the figurative and literal *rolls eyes*) and have had a few first dates from it. In fact I had one last night after I got home from the race.

I'd been talking to this guy since I posted my first CL ad, I've posted the same one twice now. He seemed very nice and not bad to look at. We were having nice e-conversations and I'd told him I'd try to call him on my way back from Portland and depending upon how late I got home and how tired I was perhaps we could meet Sat evening. I called him around 5 pm and we arranged to meet at 6:30 pm at Mad Pizza on Lake City Way.

On first introductions he seemed nice. I quickly concluded the photo he sent me was not a particularly recent one. He has a fair bit of grey in his beard now as well as in his hair, none in the photo. Not so much a bad thing, just not really truth in advertising. I love Mad Pizza, so I knew that portion of our evening was a guaranteed hit. Once the pizza arrived I fished out an antibiotic to take, still working through that sinus infection and I told him as much. Didn't want him to think I was some wanton drug taker!

Please, be honest with me... Is it ever a good idea to discuss your colonoscopy during a first date?!? He was also telling me too many details about his work, he's with the department of corrections, and the line about monitoring tides and currents in the Puget Sound you can calculate where a body was dumped! Eww! Also, not really first date conversation material. Again, eww! My brother tried to convince me that if I were a fan of CSI that I might find that kind of interesting. I am a fan, I didn't find it interesting. I continued to make polite conversation and realized that my eyes were closing, so tired, must go home to sleep, soon. He knew I'd been driving all day, had paddled that race, and undoubtedly looked like I could hardly keep my eyes open, it was an easy way to excuse myself from the date. Now all that's left is to write the tbnt note. Sigh.

Another thing I realized is how important a good sense of humor is to me. I don't expect every moment of every day to be filled with laughter. But I do expect the occasional funny story or play on words. I want to find someone who will enjoy my absurd take on things and laugh at some of the things I find funny and I'll do the same for him. I went out with Diane and her boyfriend, Dave, Friday night. We laughed so hard about the strangest things there were tears in our eyes, my abs hurt, and we were on the verge of wetting ourselves (me and Diane, I can't speak for Dave)! It wasn't any particular joke, it was mostly context, but damn it was funny as hell (details upon request). I laugh like that when I'm hanging out with my friend, Maria, too. I love it and miss it and wish I had more of it in my life.

Cake Seeking Icing - 41 (Seattle)

I'm not sure if *you* have all made up your mind about me, but I cannot decide if I'm crazy or just want to live life on the edge. Last Wednesday night I posted a personals ad on craigslist. I figure my life is pretty darn good, finding a nice guy would be icing on the cake, hence my post title, it's the same on my ad. If you want to see it you'll have to go look for it. I have tried eharmony and match, have had some first dates a couple of second dates, I just haven't found my icing yet. I really like icing, it makes an already tasty dessert even better. I tried to be pragmatic in my ad, not sound like I'm desperate to get laid, not sound too crazy, and set no limitations on what I was looking for, aside from gender=male, and having heard that some guys like to send photos of their penises in the first communication I requested that they not do that in the initial email. I included the photo I have to the right. Bring it, let's see what happens.

First message arrived 15 minutes after I posted. Dang, that was fast. This first guy seemed quite nice. We exchanged a number of emails that night and ended up going to dinner Thursday evening. He was a lot more attractive over email, talking in person to him he just seemed kind of eh, bland. Now I need to write him a thanks-but-no-thanks email. I just got another message from him this evening asking me out for tonight. I have got to write that no thanks email.

The next message arrived 20 minutes after posting. Very brief, thought the way I ended my post was very funny, deadpan. I wrote back asking if he was looking for someone to spend time with or just reading for amusement. Got back a nice response, he is looking for someone and included the bulk of an ad he'd posted. Turns out I'd read it before, but was too daunted by his list of activities to actually write him. We have plans to meet tomorrow for a walk at Seward Park.

Then an hour after there was the guy with herpes. Thanks for your interest, move along. And then the guy who wanted me to show him my penis, it would be our little secret. ScoobyDoo sounding "huh?!?" Little did he know, I'm a blogger and this would be posted, hehehe.

Two hours post post a guy wrote asking if I like punk music. That was it, the extent of his message. We have now exchanged a couple of messages. Just going along for the ride to see where this one goes.

Thursday morning I got my first penis picture. I told a friend about it, she asked if it was nice, the pic and/or the penis. Sorry to say he was a thumbs down for both. Not sure if he thought he was being cute or was just an ass. Didn't want to stick around to find out. Noon Thursday got a message from a guy willing to relocate from Northern California if things were to work out!?!?! What, are there no women in NorCal? Or have they all shot him down already?

Midnight Thursday brought a very long message from a non-native speaker of English. He had a lot to say and I'm still trying to piece together what to write back to him. Friday got a nice note from a guy in Federal Way asking 'what breed is your dogs?' Big plus points for asking about the dogs, small minus points for poor grammer. I did write him back, we'll see where this one goes, too. And finally around 7 pm Friday evening I got a message from a 26 year old guy. I'm not sure what to think, on one hand had I gotten busy early in high school I'm old enough to be his mother, on the other am I ready to be a cougar?

I can already tell this is probably the first in a series of postings. See what happens when paddling practice gets canceled! Stupid wind!

Craig, good on ya! x2

I love Craigslist. You can find everything there and if you aren't looking to buy you can certainly sell that which you no longer need. Let's see, I bought my freezer, my leather couch, the George Foreman Grill that I gave as my secret Santa gift at work this year; I sold some very old expired film, my old PC, some wooden chairs. I have gotten loads belly laughs from reading the best-of-craigslist section (I literally just looked and saw a posting for a pink upholstered vagina couch - with pictures!). My recommendation is don't take a drink as you begin to read a post, cleaning your monitor can get old fast! Like the ppost for 'overweight flaccid married man on the prowl' or 'my coke for your pot' or 'to the stoner who works at cottage inn pizza' or 'potato cannon' (I couldn't get these last two to link properly, but they are there. There are so many excellent posts.

Also, Craig, a co-worker, returned home yesterday from China. He and his family (Adria, Seth & Craig's parents) went to collect their newly adopted boy, Blake Yu Chun! They have been going through the process since Jan 2005. I'm looking forward to meeting the newest addition to their family. This photo is Adria, Blake, and Craig, it looks like the adoption is final. I haven't yet spoken to them and I copied the photo from their blog.

And for the blurb about paddling ... last night was a great paddle, we had a full boat of 6. Paddled east towards Kirkland, Rosa Point, and then north into Juanita Bay and then back to Sail Sand Point (SSP). We went about 5.5 miles. We ended our practice with a great bonding exercise! Mahalos (thanks) to Mika, Ryan, Neil, Bea, and Nancy for a great workout. By the way, Nancy is becoming quite the proficient steersperson, though you'd never hear it from her.