What part of "I don't date married men" are you having trouble with?

The last batch of dating prospects seems to have fizzled out. I'd met a couple of guys and I think the feeling was a mutual 'eh'. No problems, just have to keep fishing.

I re-posted this past weekend. Had a guy answer who seems to be convinced that he is all that. He'd answered a previous posting and this time I said he's have to be more interesting or I wouldn't reply. He couldn't remember answering my post before but this time he was convinced that we were making a real connection and I should send him my phone number and isn't it great that I don't mind that's he's married! Uh, excuse me? married? Ya, sorry, I don't roll that way. My rational is this: If you'd leave someone for me what's to keep you from leaving me for someone else. He was adamant that his marriage is over. I asked him to send me a pdf of his divorce documents and then we could talk. It was more than a little odd that he kept emailing me for over an hour about what a great catch he is and how we'd be perfect together and he's being so honest with me ...

I guess I need to spell it out, don't I? And I realize that I may be preaching to the choir here, at least I hope I am, so here it goes. I have three minimum requirements, mind these are only minimum requirements there are many add on options. 1) Male (I know with the very short hair and the less than girly-girly actions may give other impressions but it's true, romantically I prefer the company of men). 2) Single (that means not married, not in a committed relationship, not but it's been over for a long time, not it's all over but the paperwork. Call me after you've signed on the bottom line). 3) Straight (ya, ok, this one is mostly just to make it more funny, but it is true, I'm looking for a guy that's looking for a girl).

So, these are the bare minimum requirements which need to be met for me to consider a guy as potentially datable. Extra marks are given for wit, intelligence, ability to make me laugh, like or have cats/dogs/or other pets, fondness for the outdoors and water. The list goes on and on. I guess the trick is finding the guy who meets my criteria while at the same time I meet his. Hmm, any suggestions?

Here are some photos of the guys I've e-conversed with and possibly gone out with once, just wanted to give you a cross section of that gets sent to me. I decided not to post any of the penis pics. One of these men is 26 years old. One of these men called me hot and wanted to have all kinds of sex with me. One of these men has herpes. One of these men is currently married. One of these men lives too far away. One of these men discussed his colonoscopy as dinner was being served. One of these men called me adorable (that still makes me smile). One of these men was nice enough but we both felt 'eh' about one another. I've met three of these men.

on a scale from zero to lame ...

This Memorial Day weekend has been very busy. I was very tired from all the excitement and activity from the race, it was a struggle to get up this morning. I had plans for a second date with a fellow, we'd gone to dinner and a movie last weekend. I invited him over for breakfast before we headed down to Folklife. He brought along some nice leftovers from a BBQ he'd been to Saturday night (grilled chicken, grilled asparagus, and pesto ziti) to bring as a picnic lunch. I rather enjoy eating trashy festival food, I only do it once a year, at most, oh well. After breakfast and dumping the dishes into the sink we left for the Northgate park and ride to catch the festival shuttle down to city center. Along the way date got rather motion sick on the bus and he's quite the sailor fellow, seems rather incongruous to me. Once we made it downtown he had to sit a while to regain his bearings.

We went to hear some Hawai'ian slack key guitar playing followed by some celtic music on a different stage. The whole time date seemed rather disinterested and was yawning quite a lot. I didn't pay it much mind, but it did seem a little odd. We wandered around to some other stages, one was a lawn stage and I couldn't sit on the grass. I am terribly allergic to grass, if it touches bare skin I will get huge welts and the scent of grass makes it very hard to breathe. So, date went and stretched out on the grass while I sat on the pavement adjacent to the building. It was a blusgrassy type band, pretty good. I got a phone call from my neighbors Kyle and Matt, they were at Folklife now and wondering where I was so we could meet. They found me and date, under the pretext of moving nearer to be more sociable, moved nearer, but remained on the grass and never got up to come meet my neighbors. Before he sat on the grass I told him I couldn't sit there that my allergies were too intense. As an aside I was once allergy tested for grasses, skin tested with 4 different concentrations and 3 other potential allergens alongside. My reaction to grass was so intense the area swelled up to 4" by 8", completely overwhelming the adjacent tests. They stopped everything and immediately fed me some antihistamines and kept me there for observation for an hour or so, that's how terribly allergic to grass I am. I don't sit in grass, ever.

Finally got date off the grass, I wanted to look through the craft booths. I was hoping to find a new leather wallet like the one I got at Taste of Seattle a few years back. No such luck. We went to hear a fiddler play for a while. I was a bit chilly sitting in the shade, the only place date would sit, so watching the fiddler I sat in the sun while he sat on a boulder in the shade. Then went to hear some celtic beer drinking songs, but they'd already finished. At this point I was rather tired, my feet were aching, and, frankly, I was ready to be away from date. On our way to catch the shuttle we saw a group called Coney Island Cartel, they were loads of fun. I bought their 5 song CD and snapped a few pics along with some video. I was hoping to post the video but, while short, it's 52 MB and I don't think I can upload such a large file. And the photos, while decent, don't show all 5 band members. Take my word there was a stylin' dude playing the washboard and other percussive instruments, including but not limited to a slide whistle and a pop gun! They were a rolicking good time!

We hopped the shuttle back to Northgate, he sat in the front most seat and faced forward, I napped, having the ability to nap most anywhere and I never get motion sick either. We then went back to my place so he could pick up his large heavy cooler and leave my smaller lighter cooler. He went and stretched out on the couch with Llelo on his lap while I cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast. Most times I think he likes my dogs better than he likes me, go figure. I finished in the kitchen and made my way to the chair in the living room as there was no space left on the couch and observed date alternating between dozing and snuggling Llelo. Finally I said, "Gee, I have a number things I need to get done like update my blog ..." Playing that in my head almost as I was saying it I could see how lame that sounded. But it was all I could come up with and I was sticking with it. Is there any easy way to say, "gee, it's been a long day and I'm tired of you and want you to leave now"? Is there? Throughout the day it just seemed like conversation faltered frequently, he wanted shade while I wanted sun, I was actively interested in the music and it felt like we (meaning me and the festival in general) were keeping him up. Sigh, the search continues ...

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

Ok, it's not really a broken heart but that sounds much better than 'how do you mend a slightly kicked around and mistreated heart', now doesn't it? One of my many CL adventures was actually giving me the illusion of potentially working. Granted things were moving at glacial speeds, but still. He had all the trimmings of an acceptable partner: a wickedly irreverent sense of humor, fun, kind, easy on the eyes, taller than me, and seemingly interested in me. Ya, well, that's kinda where it all falls apart now isn't it? I got an email from him Saturday (email and IM were our primary modes of communication) stating that he's started seeing a new someone and the relationship is taking a new development and he wants to see where it goes without having to explain hanging out with me, hope you understand. OUCH!

So, what do you do when that happens? First I was very sad (approx 2 hrs), then I was rather pissed off (approx 30 min), then I reposted my ad on CL and went out for game night (approx 4.5 hrs) with Diane, Dave, Kristi, and Dave's older daughter, Nikita! By the time I got home there were four responses to my ad in my inbox. One was obviously a scammer. One was 'I'd love to meet you'. Yup, I'm sure you would! I wrote back asking his name, age, and some interests. Thought I'd give him a fighting chance before I kicked him to the curb. He answered "Name is Moe, age 53, interests and desires are fun and travel and passionate love." Ya, ok, next please!

The last two were definitely interesting, articulate, and funny. John and Paul (I'm hoping George and Ringo will write soon, too!) seem quite nice. One lives in Olympia which would be very hard. To one of them I wrote "My glass half full attitude compels me to toss my hat out again and keep trying (re e-dating). At worst it's worth a laugh with my friends and a post on my blog!" He seemed to think that was an acceptable penalty. I spoke with one on the phone this evening ... for an hour and a half! There was laughter from both of us, sharing from both of us, and the conversation never felt stiff or awkward. I'm looking forward to meeting him sometime soon.

While I'm still a bit disappointed about the other guy I seem to have plenty to occupy my thoughts these days. Besides, we have our first OC6 race of the season this Saturday down in Portland.

A Semi-Public Flaming

Only semi-public because I won't post the name or photos of the person I'm about tell you about. You may recall that I posted a personal ad on Craigslist the end of January. I've gotten a number of nice responses and entirely too many offers to 'frost my cake' (my posting title was cake seeks icing), if you know what I mean. Really now, if I'd been looking for a casual encounter don't you think I'd have posted it there?!? Anyway, there was a fireman, we'll call him 'J', who answered my ad, seemed a little intense, but I was curious. Along with photos in 'normal' situations he included a photo from the neck down completely nekkid and completely, um, at attention! I should have listened to my spidey senses which were tingling in a big way. I replied to his response and he telephoned me, I was caught completely off guard because it was during work hours and days after I'd sent my reply; I figured he'd moved on. I was very busy and asked if we could talk after I got off work, then I never heard from him again. Ok, fine, no problem, moving on with my life, there were other guys who had responded to talk to and have bad first dates with.

Fast forward to last Monday, St Patrick's Day, after work I went to Westlake Center to See's Candies to get myself a Rocky Road Easter Egg, my only homage to Easter. Then I was meeting a friend, Kyle, in the bus tunnel to head home. Down in the tunnel we were chatting about the butter cream eggs I was given every year and the fact that I have NEVER liked butter cream eggs when a guy walks up and asks if my name is Melissa. Yes, I say hesitantly, wondering who the heck this guy is. He says his name is 'J' and hands me a card with his number and email, it was the guy who'd answered my ad. It finally clicked just before he walked away. Kyle was wondering what the heck is going on so, during the bus ride home I filled her in on the details.

That night I sat down and composed an email to 'J' asking how the heck he'd picked me out of a crowd like that, never having met me and only having seen a couple of photos. We exchanged a couple of emails, including another photo of his 'unit', and made plans to meet for lunch on Wednesday. Now along with the regular conversation in the emails he would often proclaim that I was hot. Ok, once is flattering, twice is a little cute, more than that makes me wonder what's your angle, what's going on here. I mean, come on, Heidi Klum is hot, Naomi Campbell is hot, Nicole Kidman is hot; me, not so hot. I'll accept cute, attractive, athletic, there was a guy who wrote that I was adorable, I really liked that one! Not so much hot, though, the wobbly bits rather cancel out any potential hotness, know what I mean? And there were also a fair number of comments made regarding what he'd like to do to/with me in the bedroom. While I'm not necessarily against this type of conversation it seemed a bit premature and again, the spidey senses were tingling.

Wednesday rolls around and we meet for lunch. It was a good lunch, we went to Jimmy's On First, there was conversation and laughter, it was generally a good time. When it was time I got back to the office he drove me back and as he was dropping me off he leaned in for a kiss. That was fine, but the next thing I knew there was a tongue trying to tickle my tonsils and I felt as though my lips had gotten caught in a vacuum cleaner hose! Oh, and two words for you 'J': chap stick! Once I was able to extricate myself from the vacuum I made my way back into the office my mind a whir, what the heck had just happened and did I like it?

A few hours later I left for the day to meet Fran, Lillian, and Robin at Collin's Pub for belated birthday dessert and they wanted the lowdown on my date. On my way to meet them 'J' called and left me a voice mail thanking me for a lovely lunch and I'm such a great kisser and XXX things he wanted to do with/to me and again how hot I am. Fran and Lillian are so in love, it's a delight to see them together. I was able to be there for their wedding last summer, such a wonderful celebration of love and happiness. I aspire to find something like that. Lillian commented that if you have to ask if this is love, it probably isn't. I had lots of fun with the ladies, laughter is cathartic.

When I got home I tapped out a well thought out email to 'J' saying I enjoyed lunch and meeting him, but that I was rather taken aback my his sexual intensity, that I'm looking to get to know someone, develop a solid friendship with them and when sex is the next logical progression in our relationship, then go there. That I understood his need to present the entire 'package', so to speak, for matters of full disclosure, but I felt it's really about more than the size of his penis.

I didn't hear anything from him on Thursday, no emails, no phone calls. Hmm, perhaps he didn't like my email. Oh well, decision made. Then as I'm loading the car from a Costco trip he calls; I let it go to voice mail, it was cold and I wanted to get into the car. Once in the car I listen to the message he left. Holy crap, what a pretentious, entirely too full of himself ass! He told me that I needed to get off my high horse and ride the wave, the tsunami, and if I am cap-a-ble of enjoying myself we should get together. Ya right! Insulting me is really the way to bring me around! Well, decision made, not that I wasn't already leaning towards giving him the boot anyway. For some misguided reason I was thinking about sending him a final email telling him off, but Kyle, after listening to the message, pointed out he didn't even deserve that much.

Sigh. Dating is hard, not that I ever expected it to be easy, but dang! What ever happened to decency and civility? Am I that old fashioned? Thankfully I've had some nice dates and met a few pleasant guys so I'm not ready to give up entirely. But 'J' makes me really glad that I have my dog boys. Everyone should have *some* unconditional love in their lives.

Oh, the things I've learned

This whole online dating thing has been very interesting. I think I've had far greater success with the ad I posted on Craigslist (CL) than being a member of eHarmony or Match.com or PlentyOfFish.com. I've found guys still like to be making the first move. If I initiated communication via those other online sites chances were very good that I'd never hear back. In my CL ad I posted a simple message of who I am, no laundry list of what I'm looking for, and the implied 'bring it on, show me what you have', but not so much in the literal sense, if you know what I mean. And I've gotten quite a number of responses (both of the figurative and literal *rolls eyes*) and have had a few first dates from it. In fact I had one last night after I got home from the race.

I'd been talking to this guy since I posted my first CL ad, I've posted the same one twice now. He seemed very nice and not bad to look at. We were having nice e-conversations and I'd told him I'd try to call him on my way back from Portland and depending upon how late I got home and how tired I was perhaps we could meet Sat evening. I called him around 5 pm and we arranged to meet at 6:30 pm at Mad Pizza on Lake City Way.

On first introductions he seemed nice. I quickly concluded the photo he sent me was not a particularly recent one. He has a fair bit of grey in his beard now as well as in his hair, none in the photo. Not so much a bad thing, just not really truth in advertising. I love Mad Pizza, so I knew that portion of our evening was a guaranteed hit. Once the pizza arrived I fished out an antibiotic to take, still working through that sinus infection and I told him as much. Didn't want him to think I was some wanton drug taker!

Please, be honest with me... Is it ever a good idea to discuss your colonoscopy during a first date?!? He was also telling me too many details about his work, he's with the department of corrections, and the line about monitoring tides and currents in the Puget Sound you can calculate where a body was dumped! Eww! Also, not really first date conversation material. Again, eww! My brother tried to convince me that if I were a fan of CSI that I might find that kind of interesting. I am a fan, I didn't find it interesting. I continued to make polite conversation and realized that my eyes were closing, so tired, must go home to sleep, soon. He knew I'd been driving all day, had paddled that race, and undoubtedly looked like I could hardly keep my eyes open, it was an easy way to excuse myself from the date. Now all that's left is to write the tbnt note. Sigh.

Another thing I realized is how important a good sense of humor is to me. I don't expect every moment of every day to be filled with laughter. But I do expect the occasional funny story or play on words. I want to find someone who will enjoy my absurd take on things and laugh at some of the things I find funny and I'll do the same for him. I went out with Diane and her boyfriend, Dave, Friday night. We laughed so hard about the strangest things there were tears in our eyes, my abs hurt, and we were on the verge of wetting ourselves (me and Diane, I can't speak for Dave)! It wasn't any particular joke, it was mostly context, but damn it was funny as hell (details upon request). I laugh like that when I'm hanging out with my friend, Maria, too. I love it and miss it and wish I had more of it in my life.

The Thanks-But-No-Thanks (tbnt) Note

This whole online dating thing is tough. On email some (many?) guys seem nice, interesting, certainly worthy of a first date. Then you have that first date, chit chat, amusing anecdotes, whatever, you have finally met in person. Now you both know the reality behind the typed words, good or bad.

I had a first date last Thursday evening, we met for dinner. He was quite articulate and on email sounded very nice. I was totally looking forward to meeting him, he sounded like a 'this could be something'. In person, well, not so much. I made pleasant conversation all the while trying to compose my tbnt message. I didn't want to say "you bore me to tears" or "your looks scare me" or something equally crass or hurtful. I was thrilled that he was interested enough to come out and meet me but that was really the extent of it. I think there is an art to the tbnt message. Thanks for meeting me, but ... And good luck with your search. Inevitably my tbnt messages receive a follow up of "oh, well, I wasn't that interested in you either." Right, that's why you basically asked me out for every night this week and next, because you weren't really interested. Whatever!

The flip side is having the first date, enjoying it, and thinking "wow, this guy was interesting and I'd like to see him again" and then getting the tbnt message from him. Urgh! Crushing blow to the ego followed by what's wrong with me, why don't you want to explore this further?!? Or even worse, they drop off the face of the earth, no reply to emails, just gone. I must say I prefer the tbnt to the magical disappearing man.

Rejection is never easy, it hurts regardless of how gently it's done. Because egos can be so fragile I make every effort to be kind in my tbnt messages, I don't want to kick someone when they are down, I just want to gently direct them away from me. Although I don't enjoy receiving a tbnt note I must commend those fellows who are decent enough to send one rather than leave me to wonder what happened.

Now back to that inbox full of new messages. I reposted my ad today, I guess it was flagged and booted, probably all that inappropriate content. In my first sift through the messages I have culled out all those who have offered to 'ice my cake and lick the bowl'. If I was looking just to get laid you'd think I'd have posted in casual encounters!

Size *Does* Matter

At least when it comes to paddle length. I went out and paddled a bit over 5 miles in the OC6 with the ladies. I used my 52" Lolo and had a little bit of a funky feeling in my elbow, I think I prefer using my 52" Axel II in the OC6. The morning was truly gorgeous, the sky was a brilliant blue, the steel grey clouds were far off in the distance. It was much warmer than I expected, I actually took off a layer, first time that has happened since October. Many on the crew were peeling off layers during our first break and also wishing we'd worn sunglasses. It was a decent workout but afterwards I was not feeling as though I had worked as hard as I could have/should have so I decided to go out on the OC1.

After we got the OC6 put away I brought out the OC1 and put it together. GPS-check, water bottle-check, new paddle-check. Yes, I finally got the opportunity to use my new paddle, a 50" Helium, it has a smaller surface area than the Axel II blade. It isn't yet part of the Kialoa catalog so I can't include a link for it. OMG! It was a beautiful thing, so light, and I finally realized how big a difference the correct length paddle makes. I've been using the Lolo on the OC1/OC2 and it's felt pretty good, but the Helium feels great. Everything was flowing smoothly, I was hitting a really good rhythm ... and then my cell phone rang. Typically I wouldn't stop to answer the phone, but remember yesterdays post? The CL ad, new string of first dates, etc. It was one of the guys, we had plans to meet this afternoon and I wasn't expecting to hear from him unless there was a change, so I thought I should answer it. He wanted to push back our meeting by an hour if that was ok with me. Sure, no problem, means I can paddle a bit longer, too. OK, phone put away, get back into the rhythm, long, smooth, reach it out, rotate, new paddle feels great. I went north 30 minutes and then turned around and came back, the return only took 25 minutes, went nearly 5 miles. Wow, what a great paddle, both the physical object and the act. That had to be one of my better workouts. Size really does matter, the smaller length and smaller surface area works great for me on the OC1.

Went down to Seward Park to meet that Craigslist respondent, brought the dogs along. I figured if I was going for a walk they should be able to take advantage of it, too. We met and started walking around the loop road chatting the whole way. I found him very easy to talk to and pauses in conversation didn't seem awkward, that's always nice. I hope I'll see him again.

Cake Seeking Icing - 41 (Seattle)

I'm not sure if *you* have all made up your mind about me, but I cannot decide if I'm crazy or just want to live life on the edge. Last Wednesday night I posted a personals ad on craigslist. I figure my life is pretty darn good, finding a nice guy would be icing on the cake, hence my post title, it's the same on my ad. If you want to see it you'll have to go look for it. I have tried eharmony and match, have had some first dates a couple of second dates, I just haven't found my icing yet. I really like icing, it makes an already tasty dessert even better. I tried to be pragmatic in my ad, not sound like I'm desperate to get laid, not sound too crazy, and set no limitations on what I was looking for, aside from gender=male, and having heard that some guys like to send photos of their penises in the first communication I requested that they not do that in the initial email. I included the photo I have to the right. Bring it, let's see what happens.

First message arrived 15 minutes after I posted. Dang, that was fast. This first guy seemed quite nice. We exchanged a number of emails that night and ended up going to dinner Thursday evening. He was a lot more attractive over email, talking in person to him he just seemed kind of eh, bland. Now I need to write him a thanks-but-no-thanks email. I just got another message from him this evening asking me out for tonight. I have got to write that no thanks email.

The next message arrived 20 minutes after posting. Very brief, thought the way I ended my post was very funny, deadpan. I wrote back asking if he was looking for someone to spend time with or just reading for amusement. Got back a nice response, he is looking for someone and included the bulk of an ad he'd posted. Turns out I'd read it before, but was too daunted by his list of activities to actually write him. We have plans to meet tomorrow for a walk at Seward Park.

Then an hour after there was the guy with herpes. Thanks for your interest, move along. And then the guy who wanted me to show him my penis, it would be our little secret. ScoobyDoo sounding "huh?!?" Little did he know, I'm a blogger and this would be posted, hehehe.

Two hours post post a guy wrote asking if I like punk music. That was it, the extent of his message. We have now exchanged a couple of messages. Just going along for the ride to see where this one goes.

Thursday morning I got my first penis picture. I told a friend about it, she asked if it was nice, the pic and/or the penis. Sorry to say he was a thumbs down for both. Not sure if he thought he was being cute or was just an ass. Didn't want to stick around to find out. Noon Thursday got a message from a guy willing to relocate from Northern California if things were to work out!?!?! What, are there no women in NorCal? Or have they all shot him down already?

Midnight Thursday brought a very long message from a non-native speaker of English. He had a lot to say and I'm still trying to piece together what to write back to him. Friday got a nice note from a guy in Federal Way asking 'what breed is your dogs?' Big plus points for asking about the dogs, small minus points for poor grammer. I did write him back, we'll see where this one goes, too. And finally around 7 pm Friday evening I got a message from a 26 year old guy. I'm not sure what to think, on one hand had I gotten busy early in high school I'm old enough to be his mother, on the other am I ready to be a cougar?

I can already tell this is probably the first in a series of postings. See what happens when paddling practice gets canceled! Stupid wind!