This whole online dating thing is tough. On email some (many?) guys seem nice, interesting, certainly worthy of a first date. Then you have that first date, chit chat, amusing anecdotes, whatever, you have finally met in person. Now you both know the reality behind the typed words, good or bad.
I had a first date last Thursday evening, we met for dinner. He was quite articulate and on email sounded very nice. I was totally looking forward to meeting him, he sounded like a 'this could be something'. In person, well, not so much. I made pleasant conversation all the while trying to compose my tbnt message. I didn't want to say "you bore me to tears" or "your looks scare me" or something equally crass or hurtful. I was thrilled that he was interested enough to come out and meet me but that was really the extent of it. I think there is an art to the tbnt message. Thanks for meeting me, but ... And good luck with your search. Inevitably my tbnt messages receive a follow up of "oh, well, I wasn't that interested in you either." Right, that's why you basically asked me out for every night this week and next, because you weren't really interested. Whatever!
The flip side is having the first date, enjoying it, and thinking "wow, this guy was interesting and I'd like to see him again" and then getting the tbnt message from him. Urgh! Crushing blow to the ego followed by what's wrong with me, why don't you want to explore this further?!? Or even worse, they drop off the face of the earth, no reply to emails, just gone. I must say I prefer the tbnt to the magical disappearing man.
Rejection is never easy, it hurts regardless of how gently it's done. Because egos can be so fragile I make every effort to be kind in my tbnt messages, I don't want to kick someone when they are down, I just want to gently direct them away from me. Although I don't enjoy receiving a tbnt note I must commend those fellows who are decent enough to send one rather than leave me to wonder what happened.
Now back to that inbox full of new messages. I reposted my ad today, I guess it was flagged and booted, probably all that inappropriate content. In my first sift through the messages I have culled out all those who have offered to 'ice my cake and lick the bowl'. If I was looking just to get laid you'd think I'd have posted in casual encounters!
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2 comments:
Eh, some people can't tell the difference between W4M and CE. I just think you might get better quality penis pics in W4M is all.
Good points about the tbnt notes. No matter what, they're hard, both to write and to get. Hang in there!
I can't tell you how many disappearing men I've encountered.... tho I have to say, I've also done the disappearing, so KUDOS to you for writing your tbnt notes!!
It's great to see someone else is experiencing the frustration also known as online dating..
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